I think its time i began to live for me, just for a little while, would that be stupid?

I believe its time to embrace maturity

Protected: Dancing with death

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Life is good right now, i feel like my old self again after almost a year and a half -__- I know i’ve said it before but i mean it this time. There are multiple factors that could have contributed to this sudden reawakening, success with making a beautiful dress, not sleeping for 24 hours or perhaps it was just written in the stars. I think ive finally learned, “this last year has been about finding strength within myself – not looking to others for it”. Lets hope that when i wake up i remain in this state of mind because i’ve been fooled before…

Life is such a beautiful endeavor. So mysterious, so simple yet complicated. Its the perfect soulmate.

…….

So today began as a day of absolutely no significance, just like any other day until….

My sister and mom decided to hang out and watch Psych in the garage the whole day which did not bother me until however my sister told me what they talked about while in there, me. OKAY BACK TRACK! A few weeks ago i drove my mom and aunt around burbank to do errands when my brilliant aunt decided to blurt out, “Jeffrey (I knew in my gut what was about to come out, it was weird) i heard from somebody that on your Facebook (really? this is why older people should not have facebooks) you said that you were gay is that true?” and brilliant me decided that it would be a good idea to fight about it so i rebuttled, “I never said that, why would i ever say that (LOLOLOLOL you might get this if we’re friends)” blah blah blah, crisis averted HOWEVER! I forgot to say “NO its not true!” which stuck with my mother who apparently shares a characteristic with elephants. So back to the main story, My mom told my sister the story and said that i never said no which always stuck with her and my sister (being the white night that she is) kept asking questions like, “Why does it matter?” and all that which leads to the best part:

MOM: But doesnt that mean hes not a man?

……………….. be right back, broken heart over here. I envy you straight people, you will never have to face this moment ever in your lives. So basically my mom is not angry, shes hurt, shes hurt by what i am….. which in turn hurts me. I love my mom, shes the #1 lady in my life, and i have many, and to hear that being who i am hurts her, hurts me.

So moments after my sister tells me all this, i go to the garage and my mom comes in and asks me where i put her itouch and when i go upstairs to give it to her she goes “come here, give me your face! (which is a joke she says to me all the time, shes asking for my face so she can slap it hahahah)” it sounds like an insult but in my family, it means, i love you.

Oh life, wont throw me a bone huh? Well, i asked for excitement in my life and boy, i got it.

Would I?

Would I trade my life now for the life i had then? Two weeks ago i would say yes, that is no longer the case.

Rule #2

Dont go on vacation with just your parents

Evening Wrap Up

(Which is something i just made up)

Tonight was more than just a cleaning night. It was more of a cleansing. It was worth it. All in all? What more do you need than wearing a shirt straight out of the dryer in this frigid cold? Oh, its gonna be a good sleep, i can tell.

Seems i have forgotten.

Its not about my looks, it was never about my looks. Its about my soul, its always been about my soul.